The "F" word...

Yes I know I say the word you are thinking of a bunch...but this time I don't mean that word. I want to talk about "Failure".
In personal reflection mode, I am by nature not a risk taker. I don't gamble. I close the curtains when I get dressed. You won't find me investing any money in buying beach property or on e-trade looking for bears and bulls. Nope, I calculate as much as I can and use logic (what I think is rational) to make 99% of my decisions. Hell, I'll stopwatch most anything to help me calculate a plan!
In regard to training: I try to plan everything. My distances...my times...my nutrition...my music...my heart rate...heck even my underwear is strategic. Along the same lines, I am cautious about doing anything that I don't think I can do.

I am afraid to fail.

Now, I can rationalize ("everyone fails") and reframe ("look at what else you gained from this!") as good as anyone. But to try to do something that I truly don't think I can do from the start...extremely difficult for me. I suspect I am not alone on this. I think most people in our Western culture are like this. We are taught that "failure" is "bad" and that it says something about the value of a person.
It is almost like if we fail...well then we were wrong. And if we were wrong then what does that mean? It may make us question the very foundation of many of the things we believe. For some, that is too unraveling.

For me, I hope this quest has many successes. I am too scared today to hope for failures. But may I recognize them when they happen and be attentive to the exposed nerve endings that lead to deeper answers about myself.

No matter how raw...that is what this quest is about.

Formula for success?

I was awestruck this week by how "spot on" and I guess what I mean by "spot on" is how similar I feel to a review by Bob Boilen (the NPR guy) of a Radiohead concert in which he described their music as it "stretches time and allows the mind to wander and rejuvenate. I think of it as resetting the synapses. Creativity breeds creativity. When the music was over, I felt unboxed and changed and pretty darn happy."

I thought "man, that is such the way I feel when I listen to Radiohead"...and when I am not puking...that is the way I feel after a long run or ride.

The run allows my mind to wander and rejuvenate and to be mindful and centered...I have come up w/ the best ideas for work and family. When I finish...I feel changed and "pretty darn happy." Imagine me running and listening to Radiohead at the same time...one's mind could explode on that juice!

Now, about my "formula for success". I have started a Cervelo fund to go towards a new time trial/tri bike for next season. Every little morsel of cash I don't spend goes into my "can". As a sign of my competing priorities on so many dimensions, Similac is my chosen sponsor for the endeavor. So if you borrow a few bucks from me and it reeks of this strange soy-milk smell...well then you know how important that dollar was to me.

I have 15 miles tomorrow morning. May the journey rejuvenate and breed creativity! Hope to see you along the way!