The "F" word...

Yes I know I say the word you are thinking of a bunch...but this time I don't mean that word. I want to talk about "Failure".
In personal reflection mode, I am by nature not a risk taker. I don't gamble. I close the curtains when I get dressed. You won't find me investing any money in buying beach property or on e-trade looking for bears and bulls. Nope, I calculate as much as I can and use logic (what I think is rational) to make 99% of my decisions. Hell, I'll stopwatch most anything to help me calculate a plan!
In regard to training: I try to plan everything. My distances...my times...my nutrition...my music...my heart rate...heck even my underwear is strategic. Along the same lines, I am cautious about doing anything that I don't think I can do.

I am afraid to fail.

Now, I can rationalize ("everyone fails") and reframe ("look at what else you gained from this!") as good as anyone. But to try to do something that I truly don't think I can do from the start...extremely difficult for me. I suspect I am not alone on this. I think most people in our Western culture are like this. We are taught that "failure" is "bad" and that it says something about the value of a person.
It is almost like if we fail...well then we were wrong. And if we were wrong then what does that mean? It may make us question the very foundation of many of the things we believe. For some, that is too unraveling.

For me, I hope this quest has many successes. I am too scared today to hope for failures. But may I recognize them when they happen and be attentive to the exposed nerve endings that lead to deeper answers about myself.

No matter how raw...that is what this quest is about.